Star Trek Voyager - the unwritten rules

Here's a list of Star Trek Voyager rules, which I've compiled and which you should stick to should you find yourself stuck on a Star Ship in the Delta Quadrant for a few decades. Hopefully my fellow Voyager Trekkie's will appreciate it. Feel free to add any of your own!

Don't fuck with the Caretaker. He has a nasty habit of leaving you drifting 70 years or so from home in an uncharted sector of the Delta Quadrant.

Never take Nelix on an away mission. Even if he manages not to break something, he's normally a bad omen.

Don't let the Doctor play with his own sub-routines. This often results in a mess, if not the death of a couple of people.

Mating with a half human, half Klingon woman can be painful. Having said that, some might like that idea.

Don't play around with the brain of an apparently dead Borg. 9 times out of 10 they tend to reset themselves and try to assimilate you.

Remember the temporal time directive, unless your name is Katherine Janeway, in which case you can disregard it whenever you like.

NEVER fuck with a Vulcan who's in the middle of the pon farr. They get pretty pissed.